There Will Always Be Someone Prettier, Smarter, and Wealthier Than You

Striving to be better than everyone else will not work. Simply because there will always be someone “better” than us. Sure, I may be smart but that doesn’t mean that just because I’m not the smartest person in my group of friends I am suddenly not good enough. I struggle a lot with comparing myself to others. This tends to leave me very anxious or depressed. It’s hard to remember that you should only focus on being the best you, not trying to be better than everyone around you.

It’s fine to use others as motivation. If I see someone who dresses particularly well that may motivate me to want to be more like her. I just have to be careful not to sit around and think to myself, “Wow, I wish I could look like her. It sucks being ugly!”. What good will that do? None.

This was a hard lesson to learn. I used to remember telling my parents about the grades or activities other students did at my school. I remember their responses always being along the lines of, “Why does it matter what the other kids are doing?”. I understand much more now why they would say that, I should really just be focusing on my own growth and strength.

To this day I still catch myself getting down because I see all my peers on social media putting forth their “perfect” lives. I just have to tell myself that I am happy for their success, but I need to work on creating my own path.

I want to be alone, but not lonely

It seems to be that people equate to being alone as being lonely. I am introverted and I cherish my time being alone. That doesn’t mean I feel incredibly lonely. In fact I hate feeling lonely!

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to just spend time at home in your room watching Netflix. You don’t need to be surrounded by others 24/7. This doesn’t make you a loser, anti-social or friendless. Especially for me I feel like I need alone time to recharge. I’d like to point out that even though I’m alone physically I’m still texting or calling others.

It’s interesting when I hear people’s thoughts on going to the movies alone. Many people say it looks odd or depressing. I find it funny that just because someone wants to enjoy a movie on their own it automatically makes them a weird person? And what about people who eat alone in public? I’ve done it many times, it certainly doesn’t mean I’m socially inept. I see nothing wrong with doing things independently in public. Sometimes we don’t have friends or family members to join us but we would still like to go out.

So before people start to pity me for spending my Friday nights inside, I just want them to know that I’m perfectly fine! I don’t feel like an outcast… I just feel like I would rather hang out playing video games or watching movies!

Don’t Tell Someone who is Depressed to “Just be Happy”

Although I’m not struggling with depression at the moment this line has always irked me. I try to be very careful to not say it to anyone I know. I understand that people’s intentions are good but this line simply does not help. In fact it will probably make someone feel worse. It’s almost as if you are invalidating their feelings. If it was so easy to “just be happy” then we wouldn’t be depressed in the first place!

This also happens a lot with my anxiety. I’ll be jittery and sweating while concentrating on fending off a panic attack. People will tell me to “calm down”. Now, do they think that suddenly I’ll be like “Oh okay, yup suddenly I’m not anxious anymore!”. It doesn’t work that way. Our brains have been programmed after many years to spin in a vicious cycle.  Simply saying a statement like that wont make a difference, our minds are too loud.

I’d much rather prefer someone to tell me they understand my feelings. I would much rather have someone tell me that they are here with me no matter what I go through. I would also much rather they tell me that I’m not crazy or a terrible person for thinking in the ways that I do. Of course everyone is different. Some people may benefit from being told to just cheer up. I would just hope that before you tell someone that, you try to understand how difficult it is to control the negative emotions and thoughts that constantly run through our heads.

Quote of the Day

“Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.” – Carol Burnett

Asking for Help Doesn’t Make You a Failure!

In our society we value responsibility and individualism. It’s good to be able to care for yourself and make your own decisions. It is also okay to ask for help! Asking for help doesn’t mean that you’ve completely failed at being independent. There’s nothing to be ashamed of, it’s just a part of life.

I was always scared to confide in my parents about my anxiety disorder. I suffered many years in silence hoping that they would catch on without me having to tell them I couldn’t go through it alone. Sure, they noticed some signs but I can’t blame them for not seeing how much I was struggling. I finally found the courage to tell them, I knew I would be safe and I would face no judgements. Since telling my parents I’ve been able to get access to care that I never even knew existed! I feel like I can live my life normally and I still have a lot of support.

This applies to smaller issues too. I remember being in school and not wanting to ask teachers for help. I felt stupid and didn’t want to single myself out. Of course my grades plummeted and I chose to do nothing about it. Looking back on it, I don’t think the teachers would have minded one bit if I went to them for help. That’s their job anyway, to help me learn!

It’s easier said than done, I get that. I have no problem telling my friends they can come to me for help but it just doesn’t feel easy to go to them. It makes sense, we are so much harder on ourselves. I think what we need to learn is that if we don’t ask for help we may end up in a very dangerous or unfavorable position.

So, if you need help with something… go tell someone!

Quote of the Day

“It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light.” – Aristotle Onassis 

Do Something Out Of Your Comfort Zone Everyday.

I live by the idea that if something scares me then all the more reason to go ahead and do it, within reason of course. I have pretty bad anxiety and for me very crowded places make me incredibly uncomfortable. So, I have decided to make it my goal to face a situation like that everyday. Nothing major, I can run in and out of a busy drugstore or take a trip to the mall on a Saturday afternoon.The point is I am telling my brain that I’m okay and nothing bad will happen to me!

A huge part of my anxiety is avoidance. I would avoid social events, classes, meetings, presentations etc. I always tried to find a way to rationalize it inside my head. I would make up things like, I wasn’t feeling good or I thought there was no benefit in attending class. In reality I was struggling to do simple everyday tasks.

This is why I believe that everyone should do something they are uncomfortable with. Hate giving people compliments? Well why not tell a random stranger their outfit is nice  and leave them with a smile on their face. Hate driving? Well drive to the closest shop and work your way up. I know, it’s way harder than it sounds. It makes you feel like crap during it but once it’s over with there’s a sense of relief and pride. It took me months before I really got the hang of it. But when I do manage to do it I always feel like I have accomplished something. I am fighting my fear and anxiety.

 

I Want To Be Fearless.

The title says it all. I want to be able to do things without my fear getting in the way. Having pretty bad anxiety doesn’t help either. I want to be able to go for my dreams without the fear of failing. I am tired of having fear rule my life.

Fear and anxiety seem to go hand in hand with each other. I always find myself avoiding situations because I don’t want to deal with the uncomfortable feelings that come with those emotions. For example, I wanted to be a doctor but I was so afraid that I wouldn’t do well in school and never get into medical school that I didn’t even try. Who knows, maybe I would be in medical school at this very moment. It’s not too late to go back but it is daunting to realize I let fear determine my career choice.

It’s frustrating to be fearless. I mean of course we want some fear, like I want to know when something is a terrible idea. I just feel like my fear is unreasonably exaggerated and interferes with my life. I want to be able to do the things I dream of without talking myself out of it before I even take the first step forward.

My first goal is to forget about letting people down with my failures. I am allowed to mistakes. My second goal is to not let my anxiety talk me out of doing activities. My third goal is to accept that fear is a part of everyday life, but should be in moderation.

I’m curious if others struggle with this as much as me. It would be nice to know I’m not alone!

 

I Don’t Want To Be Ashamed Of Taking Antidepressants.

 

I have been on and off antidepressants for about 3 years. I suffer from generalized anxiety disorder and panic disorder. I try to combat it with counseling too but I need the medication for the extra help. I can’t help feel a slight bit of shame that I need antidepressants to feel like I can get through the day. I don’t tell any of my friends I take them, it almost feels like my dirty little secret.

It is daunting to me that I need a drug to function properly. I always find myself asking, “Why me?”. It’s not easy to deal with mental health. The stigma is still so strong in our culture. I don’t think anybody would care or judge a diabetic taking insulin, so how are antidepressants any different? I know taking them doesn’t change me as a person but I fear the judgement from others.

It is clear that my antidepressants make me happier and healthier. I shouldn’t feel I’m cheating in life. Everyone has something they need help on  and I just happen to need help with my anxiety.

This is a lot of rambling. I guess what I’m trying to get at is that I should be able to accept these medications. I have no problem with others taking them but it seems like a deep rooted issue with me taking them.

Having to take antidepressants doesn’t make you are a failure. 

Talk About Mental Health In Schools!

I wish schools would talk to students about mental illness, both for education and diminishing the stigma that still surrounds it. In my health classes they almost never touched on mental health. We did have a psychology class during my senior year of high school but that focused basic theories and experiments. Maybe other schools were different, but in my attendance of six different schools I was definitely never taught about mental health.

I suffered from panic attacks and generalized anxiety since I was 12 years old. I honestly thought I was going crazy and had no idea what I was going through. I wish that someone had explained to me mental illness. At that age, and even into high school I basically associated mental illness with schizophrenia (which I know now is totally wrong today!). It would have saved me so many years of feeling like I had this mysterious illness that no one could understand.

I also think that cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) should be taught in school. It’s not only beneficial to those with disorders. Everyone should know how to re-frame their thoughts because honestly everyone at some point in their life goes through a difficult time.

I think that talking about it in schools would really help students understand that mental health isn’t something to be ashamed of discussing. It’s still so taboo in the United States, and much more in other parts of the world. I can’t wait till the day we become accepting of mental health.